ADHD and Neurodivergence. My Story

Since I was a child I had known that I was a little different than the friends I had and the kids I went to school with. In many ways I was a "normal" kid. I played tee ball and soccer, I enjoyed being outside and riding bikes around my neighborhood, and spending time with my friends. Under the surface however, there was a very different child. I often found myself preferring to engage in fantasy worlds.

Be it drawing out the barbarians and orcs of Dungeons & Dragons, or losing myself in Nintendo Games, I always found the allure of being able to play as someone else my preference. While my friends were pursuing more traditional interests, I would create elaborate stories about being a werewolf, or secretly being from England. Some of my closest relationships were with the stuffed animals I had along with my imaginary brother. None of these things seemed odd to me, but to others they were often things that would get me teased. So I held those activities to home rather than play them out in the world.

I didn't know that what I was doing was masking. In public and around my friends and classmates, I learned to mirror their behaviors. To wear a mask that allowed me to mostly navigate school without too many issues. Occasionally the mask would slip, and I would retreat into myself after being the target of teasing for awhile. I often found myself doing things for the approval of others, even when those "favors" were not reciprocated, but often times would get me teased when I would ask for help from those same friends. Again, I learned that sometimes the price of acceptance is being the one who does things for others because hey, after all, I was allowed to be a part of the gang if I did. The older I got, the harder masking became. This led to a particularly difficult experience in Middle School and through my freshman year in high school until I discovered misfits like me. We were the outcasts, the ones who were picked on or whose mannerisms were noticeably different from others. We found each other and the relief of having friends who I could truly be myself around was profound. This was my first experience in the phenomenon of neurodivergent individuals finding each other and connecting almost intuitively.

Through my adult life, the impulsivity of ADHD caused many problems. At home, professionally, with money, and with family there were moments of great struggle, many of my own creation. Just like in High School however, I found my people and had a group of friends that became like family.

Recently, I was formally diagnosed with what I suspected (and many others had tried to tell me) for many years with severe ADHD. The relief of this moment was profound, as was the mourning of looking back through my life at what could have been had I been diagnosed and treated earlier. Would I have finished college? Would I have had the problems that I endured in my adult life and career? The question of what if is one that I asked, and ultimately reminded myself, I couldn't answer. Dwelling on the hypothetical was a road to more sadness as opposed to the hope that came from finally having answers and treatment.

Since I started this practice, I have been blessed to work with individuals who are neurodivergent as well. I have learned as much from them as I hope they have learned from me. Even now, even professionally, we connect and relate to others like us. We aren't broken people, our brains simply function differently than others. It has been and remains one of my greatest joys to work with those like me and hopefully provide validation, affirmation, and a road map to managing their symptoms. Thank you for the honor to serve you, and to help you understand, that you are not alone.